The Finger

Well folks, with the completion of the marathon, I'm taking some time off from this shit. Peace be with you.

Of Rabbitt and Buffalo

Before any more discussion of Buffalo, I must share some advice from a Rabbitt:


Step By Step
Eddie Rabbitt


She seems a million miles away
When she walks by
You don't know what to say
You gonna make a move
You better make it now
And don't be afraid
'Cause love will show you how

You take that first step
Ask her out and treat her like a lady
Second step
Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of
Third step
Take her in your arms and never let her go
Don't you know step by step
Step by step
You'll win her love

She looks too beautiful to touch
But your heart keeps talking to you now
Don't give up
You think you see something in her eye
But you will never know until you try

But you gotta take that first step
Ask her out and treat her like a lady
Second step
Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of
Third step
Take her in your arms and never let her go
Don't you know that step by step
Step by step
You'll win her love

Second step
Third step
Don't you know step by step
Step by step

First step
Ask her out and treat her like a lady
Second step
Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of
Third step
Take her in your arms and never let her go
Don't you know
That step by step
Step by step
You'll win her love

Second step
Third step
Don't you know step by step
Step by step

First step
Ask her out and treat her like a lady
Second step
Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of
Third step
Take her in your arms and never let her go
Don't you know that step by step
Step by step
You'll win her love

Ahh, that hits the spot. Now where was I... Yes, Buffalo...


Buffalo was a clusterfuck. That's the best I can say. It was one of those races where the 1/2 marathon shared the course with the full for a portion of the run. I've seen this before. There are so many 1/2 ers and so few full runners....something bad is bound to happen. After the 1/2 course the full was a fuck up. There were unmarked intersections, traffic on the course, absence of water, no crowd support, and high heat. It sucked. But...I'm glad to have run it well and to be done with it. But the last 5 miles was the slog of my life. I was so delirious and out of it. I actually started to talk aloud to myself while running past people on the street (like a homeless guy).

Race breakdown: I averaged about 7:55s until mile 18...then the heat and lack of water kicked in. I ran a 9 and then fought to hold 9:30s and the 10s for the last couple. Ouch it hurt. Some of you will recall that I wrote about the perils of going out too fast, of "jackrabbitting" with the crowd and then dying. I really don't think this was me. Three weeks ago, I did 8:05s for 22 without an issue. Perhaps Sunday's slightly quicker pace tore me down too much, but I don't think this caused the crash. Proper water would have made this a much better--faster--race, I believe. I also want to say that I'm not unhappy with my time. I am happy with it, in fact. I just don't like to finish in such a form--10s for the last few. I'd rather run 8:30s the whole way if that is to be my average. I guess I'm a purist.

Soon, I'll start training for some sprint triathlons. More on that in the days ahead.

Quick Note

Here's the quick run down. it was extremely hot, and poorly organized in Buffalo today. After the 1/2 marathoners finished, the race organizers really fucked off (long stretches without water, intersections without markings, nobody on the course etc.) It was brutal, but Al K and I finished. I ran 8s until mile 18 then the wheels started to come off. I think it was really a function of the heat and lack of water on the course. Anyway, I ran a 3:42 which is about 8:30 pace. I'm happy, all things considered. Right now, I'm just fucking spent and dehydrated and glad to be done with Buffalo.

Super?

So here's the new Superman, Brandon Routh. He's an unknown, and I'm thinking that that is good. The original idea (as you probably know) was Nick Cage. Aside from the fact that he'd need a stupid wig to pull it off, he's just wrong for the part. They seem to be following the Reeves '78 film example in look and in the way they are casting. And the director on board (of X-Men 1 and 2 fame) is talented. I'm thinking this one will be a winner. I also think it was good that they waited on this project until after Reeves died. (They were originally slotted for 03 or 04.) Most likely, this was just a business decision, but I prefer to pretend it was out of respect.

Just a 3 today and a 3 tomorrow. I'm off to Buffalo tomorrow afternoon. I've got a little bit of a cold, but I'll live. Wish me luck. Hopefully, I'll be super.

It ain't over til it's over...

Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez is now a Met. El Duque (22 years old on his resume, 46 years old on his birth certificate) was acquired from the D-Backs for reliever Jorge Julio, cash, and a can of Blue Diamond Almonds. The D-Backs threw in some silver Hopi rest-stop jewelry and the Duke's walker gratis. Things look good. Soler (the most recent cuban defectee) pitched well tonight in his major league debut. So maybe the Mets' pitching woes are done. If nothing else, Hernandez and Soler can spend the next 4 months discussing the swim over in the bullpen.

Oh, Lordi

Finns shocked by Eurovision band

Lordi's antics have caused a furore in Finland
Finland's controversial entry for this year's Eurovision Song Contest - a heavy metal band called Lordi (The Lord) - has upset many Finns.
The band members wear scary masks, which they refuse to take off, and the lead singer wields a chain-saw.

Their song Hard Rock Hallelujah is a radical departure from the folk songs usually associated with Eurovision.

Finnish online chatrooms are full of comments from people concerned about their country's reputation abroad.

Some Finns have even asked the president to intervene.

But Lordi was a people's choice: their hit got more than 42% of the votes cast by televoting in the Finnish final.

Devil's advocate?

Lordi, influenced by the American hard rock band Kiss and its lead singer Gene Simmons, has not escaped allegations of links with Satanism.

"Lord have mercy on us Finnish people now "
Father Mitro Repo
Finnish clergyman
Rumours have been fuelled by the group's refusal to give television interviews, to take off their masks or reveal their real names.

But in other media interviews, the rockers have stressed their tongue-in-cheek attitude to entertainment. As if to prove the point, they had a hit in Finland with a song called The Devil Is A Loser.

Hailing from Arctic Lapland, Lordi became a phenomenon in Finland with a platinum-selling debut album, Get Heavy, in 2002.

Their compilation album The Monster Show has been released in more than 20 countries.

The Eurovision Song Contest will take place in Greece on 20 May.

Father Mitro Repo, an Orthodox Christian clergyman in Helsinki, described the band's use of the name "Lordi" as "sacrilege".

"I think it's a stupid joke of Finland," he told the BBC's World Today programme, commenting on the country's Eurovision choice.

"Lord have mercy on us Finnish people now," he said, adding that the choice appeared to be a protest by youngsters annoyed that Finland had failed to score highly in Eurovision.

All right. Someone tell me...do people really give a shit about a bunch of douchebags in Deep Space Nine villain costumes singing (somehow more bad) Winger meets Queensryche covers? The mention of Kiss in the article and in Lordi's criticisms is a logical choice. Lordi is just another bad rip off of an idea that was tired 25 years ago.




Do you know these knobs? Sure, they were fun. And they were novel. But they were still a bunch of d-bags in costumes, cod pieces, and stupid face paint playing bad rock poorly. Everyone took them way too seriously. I can remember all the hooplah from the conservative cocks and the over-protective parents. And, on the other side, I remember my peers freaking for Kiss and trying to get their hands on silver claw boots. What a big deal they made about the love ballad "Beth" (Kiss' only top 10 tune , ironically). It was a rage because it was such a departure and it spoke to the hardships of the rock lifestyle (something akin to coal mining or deep sea salmon boat fishing, I believe). I remember blowing any chance I had of getting my mitts on this girl Melissa. We were in my beat to shit Lincoln Town Car, the front seats were reclined and late night FM radio (the King Biscuit Flour Hour) was playing. I was planning my move to get her too tight jeans around her ankles when she started welling up over Peter Chris giving us the Kiss Alive II version of Beth.
Her: Can you imagine being in the front row? Imagine hearing this live? I think he wrote this for his wife or something. Can you see him like serenading her?
Me: Yeah, I'm picturing this douchebag at the piano with his cat face painted on.



Don't you just love this one? How much H was he on to agree to this pose? Can't you hear the fucking photographer (Brit Accent): OK, now Peter let the smoke fill in behind you a bit, good, good, now hold the knife in front like you're fending off an attack. There's a good boy. Ok, just pull the belt around a bit so we can see the cuffs. Good-O.

He don't eat meat but he sure like the bone...

Prince Voted Sexiest Vegetarian
Mon May 22, 1:40 PM ET
NEW YORK - Prince has been voted the "world's sexiest vegetarian" in PETA's annual online poll, the animal rights group announced Monday.

Prince, 47, shares the honor with Kristen Bell, the 25-year-old star of "Veronica Mars," which is being carried over from UPN to the new CW Network this fall.

A strict vegan, Prince recently wrote in the liner notes of his latest album, "3121," about the ills behind wool production. He closed the disc with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi: "2 my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being."

Bell, in a statement, said of her vegetarianism: "I had a hard time disassociating the animals I cuddled with — dogs and cats, for example — from the animals on my plate, and I never really cared for the taste of meat. I always loved my brussels sprouts!"

One question: how many of you eat dogs or cats? How many of you cuddle up with chickens and cows? (Ok, two questions. Sticklers.)

Did a nice 4 today...Sunday, here I come.

"Hope I Live To Tell..."

Madonna Launches 'Confessions' Tour In Los Angeles

05/22/2006 3:00 AM, Yahoo! Music
Lyndsey Parker

An onstage roller-disco complete with a fleet of satin-jacketed rollergirls and -boys. A shofar (Jewish horn) solo and traditional Hebrew incantation by a turban-swaddled man named Isaac, followed by a Fosse-style chair dance and some ghetto-blaster dry-humping. A politicized video montage starring Adolf Hitler, Dick Cheney, Tony Blair, Osama bin Laden, Richard Nixon, George Bush, and starving African children. A futuristic mechanical bull equipped with oddly gynecological-looking steel stirrups. And no less than seven costume changes, including three leotards, one unitard, a Saturday Night Fever Tony Manero leisure suit, a crown of thorns, and an electric cape emblazoned with the rightful title of "Dancing Queen."

All of this may sound like the makings of Cirque Du Soleil, the Eurovision Song Contest, Live 8, a lost weekend in Vegas, and an evening at either the Kabbalah Centre or Coyote Ugly rolled into one. But of course, it was just the opening night of Madonna's much-hyped Confessions tour in Los Angeles.

Proving that music does indeed make the people come together, Madonna debuted her new show-of-shows before an adoring mixed audience of drag queens, moms, grandmas, club kids, and yuppies at L.A.'s Forum on Sunday, May 21 (her first of three sold-out nights at the 16,000-capacity venue). She launched her set with a sultry homage to the Donna Summer/Giorgio Moroder disco anthem "I Feel Love" while dressed in equestrian fetish-wear and brandishing a whip (a nod to both her recent horsey W photo spread and the 2005 horse-riding accident from which she has triumphantly recovered), and from that moment on, she was off and galloping, taking the audience on a truly wild ride.

She showed she could still be shocking after all these years by singing "Live To Tell" while suspended, Christ-like, from a mirror-paneled crucifix; demonstrated her basic but unexpectedly solid guitar-playing skills during "I Love New York" (while looking like a supremely badass rock star in a patent-leather motorcycle jacket and glammy feather boa); revealed some bull-riding moves that would make Debra Winger green with envy; and was basically a walking (make that strutting) advertisement for power yoga as she flaunted her finely muscled, mind-bogglingly age-resistant physique in shiny, second-skin Spandex throughout.

Despite the surprising and disappointing lack of an encore (what, no "Like A Prayer"? no "Borderline"? no "Material Girl," even?), during her breathless two-hour set the Divine Miz M justified not only her audience's love, but her somewhat exorbitant $350 ticket price as well. It can safely be said that those 16,000 fans got their money's worth, and then some.


"Weird, Al," you'll say. But yes, here's a review of the opening of the Madonna tour. Your next question, "For Fuck's Sake Al!!! Why?" Because I am ticketed. Signed, sealed, and delivered, I am to be subjected to the material girl. In a fit of stupidity, I purchased Mrs. B.H. tix to this fandango for Mother's day.

Any chance Ms. M will pull a real self-crucifixion before the smoke and mirrors show rolls into NYC? (God, if you're listening, it's just this one small thing I ask. I recant on the Pam Anderson requests and the multiple college girls / Shakira / that chick from the Black Eyed Peas / every other hottie wishes. 'K?)

Did I Miss Something?

Gas Prices Fall for 1st Time Since Feb.
Sun May 21, 4:47 PM ET
CAMARILLO, Calif. - The average retail price of a gallon of gas fell about 1.45 cents across the nation during the past two weeks, the first drop since prices began a steady climb in late February, according to a survey released Sunday.

Self-serve regular averaged about $2.93 a gallon, down from about $2.95 two weeks ago, said Trilby Lundberg, who publishes the nationwide Lundberg Survey of roughly 7,000 gas stations.







This week is an easy week--the taper before the marathon on Sunday. The animals are in the bush and that's better than getting it in the backdoor of your barn (or something like that). I'm as ready as I'm going to be. Got some pre-race jitters here...first marathon for me in 4 years or so. I suppose that is to be expected.

Here's my post-race plan: rest up for a week and then start training for some sprint triathlons. I'll get into that, more, after Sunday.

A Word from "The Onion"

After 25 Years, I Finally Figured Out How To Impress High-School Girls

By Sam Koskinen
May 15, 2006 | Issue 42•20


We all know how intimidating it can be to talk to high-school girls. I used to be too afraid and self-conscious to even make eye contact for more than a couple of seconds with the pretty ones. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how to impress them. But now, all that has changed. I can look at any high-school girl for as long as I want without getting nervous. I can have great conversations with them about all kinds of subjects. In fact, I feel totally comfortable around them—because after a quarter-century of racking my brain and studying them closely, I finally know exactly how high-school girls like to be treated.

Take it from me, if you want a high-school girl to like you, the most important thing you can do is listen. When a sophomore is telling me about her favorite music, I don't go on about the time I partied backstage with the Little River Band, or what a great song "Rosanna" is. I've found that if I give the girl the lead in a conversation, I learn something from her—like what she and her girlfriends are planning to do that weekend. Then I've got an opportunity to offer them a ride there, because if there's one thing high-school girls love, it's a guy with a set of wheels. Especially a convertible. Most boys their age can't afford anything nice yet, but I've got a career, and I paid cash for my '87 LeBaron. And a car like that never fails to turn a few heads around a high-school campus.

The mall is a really great place to meet a high-school girl if you don't have any classes with them. Girls really respond to confidence, so it's important that when you see one you like there, you approach her directly. Even if you're feeling shy on the inside, fake it. If you just lurk around the store where she likes to shop, it's going to make her uncomfortable. I learned that the hard way back in the '80s.

Just walk up to them and introduce yourself. It sounds silly, but it works. So much is about body language, so if you stand up straight, look them in the eyes, and take control, even the most unapproachable ones will suddenly seem innocent and vulnerable.

High-schoolers are dying for someone to compliment them on their hair, their makeup, their bodies. Remember, most girls at that age, no matter how cool they try to act, are still insecure. So a little attention goes a long way. I remember the very moment I figured that out, just before taking a redheaded 11th-grader to see Reality Bites, I knew I had really turned a corner.

Talking to girls is a lot less daunting once you let go of the fear of rejection. Sometimes it doesn't matter how nice I act or how much alcohol I buy for them and all their friends, some girls aren't into me. And that's okay: Some people just never click. Everyone will get rejected at some point—I just move on to the next one, and if she doesn't like me, it's just as well, because I want to be with that special high-school girl who likes me for me.

It's all just part of growing up.

Also, I can't stress enough how important it is to be supportive and aware of her interests and extracurricular activities. These days, when there's a girl I like, I won't just hang around across from the school waiting to catch a glimpse of her. I'll go to her volleyball team practice, or arrange to take her to her track meets, just to let her know I'm interested. And when the time is right to ask her out, trust me: She remembers all those times I was there for her when other guys weren't.

When you do finally score that date, you just have to stay cool and be yourself. If you get nervous, the girl gets nervous, and then the whole date's in trouble. Girls' interests are remarkably similar, so if you take them to the movies or ice-skating, you're fine. If I really want to impress a girl, I take her to the roof of this motel my buddy runs for a little stargazing. But sometimes it's just as romantic to sit in her parents' den. I try to get some alone time with her, but I never push it. You have to keep in mind that high-school girls are still learning to feel comfortable with their bodies. I just try to do what feels right and pick up on her cues. She always lets me know when she's ready to take things to another level.

After the date ends, I tell her I want to see her again, and then, no matter what, I make sure I get her home by curfew. Getting a girl in trouble with her parents is no way to win her over. And you can't see her if she's grounded.

Most important, always remember: If at first you don't succeed, try and try and try and try again. It will take some time, but one day, you'll learn how to relate to high-school girls. I did.

The Only Thing Scarier

Than Michael Jackson Parenting:




Fri May 19, 12:24 PM ET
NEW YORK - Britney Spears stumbled outside a Manhattan hotel, nearly dropping her 8-month-old son and further fueling the ever-growing media scrutiny of her parenting skills.

In photos splashed across the front page and inside the New York Post on Friday, the 24-year-old pop star is shown exiting The Ritz-Carlton hotel with Sean Preston in one hand and a glass in the other.

As her bodyguards walked Spears to her car, she stumbled — her long pants apparently getting tangled in her open-toed shoes — and bent low as Sean Preston's head flung backward, knocking off his orange hat.

Spears, though, was able to keep her balance and hold on to her son, with help from a bodyguard, who reacted quickly.

These vultures. They don't mention that she held onto the glass and didn't spill the drink, do they?


Did a quick 4 today. I feel a bit under the weather, but I've got low miles between now and the marathon (1 week from Sunday). I'll bounce back.

2001 Paul McCartney in Interview: "I don't need a pre-nup; we're in love..."

McCartney's split to be tied!

He & wife can't work it out, but she's no gold-digger

BY ELLEN TUMPOSKY
SPECIAL TO THE NEWS

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills
Long(ish) and winding road to divorce
LONDON - Will she still need him when he's 64? The answer is no - but Paul McCartney still insists that his money didn't buy Heather Mills' love.

The billionaire ex-Beatle and his wife admitted yesterday they can't work it out. Their split leaves Sir Paul facing the prospect of a possible $400 million divorce payoff for a four-year marriage.

And now, a few etymological lessons for Sir Paul:
From the OED

"Fucking"

Hence fucking vbl. n. Also as ppl. a. and adv., used esp. as a mere intensive.
a1568 A. SCOTT Poems iv. 55 Thir foure, the suth to sane, Enforsis thame to fucking. 1680 ROCHESTER Poems on Several Occasions (1950) 30 Through all the Town, the common Fucking Post, On whom each Whore, relieves her tingling Cunt. 1707 [see FRIGGING vbl. n.]. c1888-94 My Secret Life III. 228 This house had but eight rooms, and two mere closets to let out for fucking. Ibid. VIII. 307 She was..a magnificent bit of fucking flesh, but nothing more. 1893 FARMER & HENLEY Slang III. 80/2 Fucking..Adj., A qualification of extreme contumely. Adv. Intensitive and expletive; a more violent form of bloody. 1922 JOYCE Ulysses 580 I'll wring the neck of any bugger says a word against my fucking king. 1929 F. MANNING Middle Parts of Fortune I. ii. 23 Blown to fuckin' bits as soon as we got out of the trench, poor bugger. 1930 J. DOS PASSOS 42nd Parallel 94 It was a fucking shame it was Freddy hit you. 1938 DYLAN THOMAS Let. 31 Aug. (1966) 208 None using obscene words, none..to do with fucking. 1939 Let. 29 Sept. (1966) 240 I'll give Dent the whole fucking works. 1960 D. LESSING In Pursuit of English 12 ‘What the f--ing hell's that for?’ my father said. 1969 AUDEN City without Walls 49 I'm so bored with the whole fucking crowd of you I could scream! 1971 It 2-16 June 18/3 The Youngbloods..are so fucking good they can do spontaneous albums.

"Idiot"

1.    a. A person without learning; an ignorant, uneducated man; a simple man; a clown. Obs.
  This use is app. partly due to passages in the Vulgate or Greek N.T., esp. Acts iv. 13, 1 Cor. xiv. 16.

1377 LANGL. P. Pl. B. XVI. 170, I..ede forth as an ydiote in contre to aspye After Pieres e plowman. c1440 J. CAPGRAVE Life St. Kath. I. 288 Ryght as be twelue ydiotes, sent Austyn seyth, hee meneth the apostellis, for thei not lerned were. 1483 CAXTON Gold. Leg. 287/1 The bisshop repreuyd hym sore as unconnyng and an ydeote. 1577 tr. Bullinger's Decades (1592) 23 A most common kinde of speech, wherewithall euen the verie idiots were acquainted. 1647 H. MORE Poems Pref., It would be safer to ask the judgment of young lads or Countrey idiots..then those lubricous wits and overworn Philosophers. 1657 (title) The Deuine Louer, or the Sainctly Ideots Deuotions. 1698 FRYER Acc. E. India & P. 374, I..confess my self an Ideot, understanding no other Language than Turkish. 1722 J. COVEL Acc. Grk. Ch. 353 There is also this very remarkable passage in the Cardinal; Idiotæ qui vident Picturas, Ideots who see these Pictures [etc.].


Did a good 8 today with Al K. Then we brewed some beer. The 8 was fine: 7:50 pace on a gorgeous day. we're getting down to the wire.

ASSHOLE GLASSES

Our friend Fred was trying to give me a style lesson (he's very dashing and debonair: wears these sporty shirts with sailboats on them and all). He tried to help me understand proper eyewear for accessorizing. I failed miserably. Thus, this small photo essay is for him.

Bonds Act

According to his manager, Barry Bonds' swing looks tired. Chasing Babe Ruth may be to blame.

With his homerless drought at seven games, Bonds is expected to be back in the starting lineup when the San Francisco Giants (19-20) continue their three-game series at Minute Maid Park against the Houston Astros (22-17) on Tuesday.

The seven-time NL MVP has not homered in 22 at-bats since May 7 against Philadelphia and remains stuck on 713 career homers -- one behind Ruth for second place on the all-time list.

"This thing, it's like chasing ghosts, you know. I can imagine what Roger Maris went through," Bonds said before San Francisco's 10-1 win in the series opener Monday. "Babe Ruth, I think he just kind of hovers over people a lot."

Couldn't happen to a nicer fucking guy!

Nice 5er on the boardwalk today. I don't know what to do with myself...8 is my longest run this week.

Half Cocked?

Porn Maker Allows Downloads for TV Viewing
By GARY GENTILE, AP Business Writer
LOS ANGELES - Hollywood has been tiptoeing its way toward letting consumers buy a movie online, burn it onto a DVD and watch it on a living-room TV. While the studios hesitate, the adult film industry is taking the leap.

Starting Monday, Vivid Entertainment says it will sell its adult films through the online movie service CinemaNow, allowing buyers to burn DVDs that will play on any screen, not just a computer.

It's another first for adult film companies that pioneered the home video market and rushed to the Internet when Hollywood studios still saw it as a threat.

"Leave it to the porn industry once again to take the lead on this stuff," said Michael Greeson, founder of The Diffusion Group, a consumer electronics think tank in Plano, Texas.

"The rest of Hollywood stands back and watches and lets the pornography industry work out all the bugs," he said.


Just a 4 today, and I'm off tomorrow. YEAH!!! I'm battered but this was my first taper week. Hope I don't pack on any pounds. Must be careful...

And Now, A Word From The Onion

I'm Doing My Inconsequential Part For The Environment

By Peter Keim
May 10, 2006 | Issue 42•19


As human beings continue to wreak havoc on the ecosystem, with seemingly no awareness of the long-term effects of our shortsighted actions, we seriously jeopardize the fragile balance of life on this big blue marble we call Spaceship Earth. Now is the time to take steps toward creating a cleaner environment, however insignificant and useless those steps may be. That's why I'm doing my own laughably inconsequential part to end pollution, limit damage to our precious ecosystem, and preserve what remains of our planet's biodiversity for future generations.

Every day, without fail, I meticulously organize my recyclables into five distinct categories, thereby subtracting an eyedropper's worth of garbage from the countless tons of waste that ferment in our landfills. It only takes a few extra minutes, but just think of the impact it totally lacks. I also refuse to use anything but "Earth-friendly" paper products—some of which contain up to 10 percent recycled materials. For me, it's worth shouldering the extra cost, but, unfortunately, only a scant few of us bother to do the same. And growing some of my own organic vegetables in my backyard garden also, to my immense gratification, reduces the use of toxic chemical-based pesticides and herbicides present in corporate farming techniques by as much as 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent.

These quixotic, Sisyphean efforts are my way of dealing with what is perhaps the most crucial and difficult issue of our time.

Why do I boycott multinational oil and gas corporations that fail to acknowledge and address global-warming issues, resulting in a few less dollars in their swollen coffers? Or participate in demonstrations against local wetland destruction that are attended by as many as a dozen people, before the wetland is eventually drained and cleared for a new Wal-Mart anyway? Why make the effort? Because I care. And I want these feelings to manifest themselves in barely measurable ways.

By using mass transit or riding my bike whenever possible, I may not be able to influence greenhouse-gas emissions standards or reduce mass global addiction to fossil fuels one iota. Nor, by slavishly collecting every banana peel or coffee ground to make my own rich garden compost, will I alter our consumer culture's pathological tendency to devour everything it encounters at an exponentially advancing rate. Restricting my household energy use to non-peak hours does not make me capable of reversing temperature changes in the gulf stream that even now have begun to throw the world's climate out of equilibrium. The question, however, is not "What can't I do?" but rather, "What can I do?"

The answer: next to nothing.

At the very least, I know with absolute certainty that I have done everything I can to nurture and protect the environment, through genuinely well-intentioned albeit minuscule actions, tragically destined to have absolutely no substantive effect. For I sleep better at night knowing that I have as much influence on global environmental policy as I would had I never been born.

Conservation is more urgent than ever. Scientists inform us that the combined effects of fossil-fuel consumption, land clearance, and overfishing the planet's seas have already ushered in a period of "mass global extinction," the sixth so far recorded in Earth's history, and the only one to be entirely man-made. In the next century, between two-thirds and three-fourths of all plant and animal species now in existence could become permanently extinct. But by carefully conserving water with the specially designed low-impact toilet I had installed, I can take comfort in the knowledge that I did what I could do to delay this inevitable global death-age by as many as several nanoseconds.

Won't you join me in this ongoing effort to foster an imperceptible improvement to this doomed and dying planet? You'll be rewarded with the knowledge that, despite the irreversible effects of centuries of sustained environmental abuse by the human race, individuals, working together, can fight this inevitability in a real, concrete, tiny, and totally ineffective show of unity.

Together, we can make an unbelievably negligible difference.

Face Plant

Don't know if you saw the game last night. The Mets lost after the game was called in the 5th for rain (they were down by 2). BUT the big news was this fucking catch. Rowand (Philly CF) ran full blast into the centerfield wall to make an over the shoulder catch that stopped a definite 3 rbi blast by Xavier Nady (bases were loaded when Nady blasted it to the wall). Rowand went in full speed face first and busted his nose/lacerated his face bad enough to need surgery/stitches....and HUNG ON TO THE BALL!!! It was ugly...and an amazing catch.



Here's the other tidbit of NY news. In an equally disgusting (think Joe Montana) play, Hideki Matsui busted his wrist trying to make a sliding grab in the Boston/NYY game. (Be sure to notice position of left hand relative to left forearm--right angle behind it...yuk!) But here's the grabber: both injuries happened in the 1st inning before either player (Rowand or Matsui) had played half an inning. So, officially, neither one of them gets credit for the game. Thus they both went on the DL for injuries sustained in games they didn't play.

I did a 3 today and my 15 yesterday. I am still beat up from the 22 I raced on Sunday. So all runs since Sunday have felt like they've been slogged through quicksand while wearing a pack. C'est la...I got the miles in. Pure sloggage folks.

Dain Bramage

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, recovering from a head injury caused by a fall last month in Fiji, has not suffered brain damage, a spokeswoman for the band said on Tuesday.

Right!

Nice 3 today. Tomorrow is my long run, a 15. Still sore from sunday's LI Marathon, but I'll hold up.

Fingered....

Fred, I know you wanted pics of my toes. But I think I've put my finger on the sinus problem I was having.

File this one under...

Let's file this under the "Who Gives A Flying Fuck" heading, shall we?

Trainer Says Blaine Had Convulsions

Tue May 09, 5:02 PM ET

David Blaine was unconscious and having convulsions when he was rescued from his 8-foot aquarium during a breath-holding stunt, his trainer said Tuesday.

"I wasn't focused on records; I was thinking of a rescue," said trainer Kirk Krack, a free-diving expert. Blaine was convulsing and "unconscious when we brought him to the surface. If we hadn't intervened, he would still be at the bottom of the sphere doing a breath-hold."

Did a five today. I was sore, but I hobbled through.

The Rundown

Feeling a bit like I got hit by a car today. But that is to be expected.

I've revamped my marathon plans. I was shooting for about a 3:45 finish time. Now, I'm going to adjust that down to 3:35 to 3:40. This may not seem like a major change, but it is a significant change. (I'm thinking back to when I was regularly marathoning. The Boston qualifying time for my age group was 3:15, but the fastest I could go was 3:20. I just couldn't peel that extra 5 minutes--about 12 seconds per mile.) I've been cautious about setting a goal that is too aggressive. It is one of the pitfalls for new runners and returning marathoners. You get lured in by good performances on shorter runs. I call it the "I Feel Great" syndrome. You know your pace should be consistent 8:15s (for example) but you feel so good doing 8s with the pack for the first 10 miles. Then you say, "ok, I can hold this." You get to mile 19, and all hell starts to break loose. Each mile (they screamed by earlier) seems to last 20 minutes. You're just itching for that next marker, the next check mark that brings you closer to the finish. You look at your watch and suddenly, at mile 20, you logged a 9:15...what's happening? You push harder, wait for what seems like an hour, and check the watch at mile 21. Now it's a 9:32! Oh god, it felt like you were putting out enough effort to do a 7:30 (and you were) but you are moving so slowly, through concrete. And you just keep crashing. When you've finished, the 8s you did for the first 19 don't make up for the crash and burn at the end. You have missed your mark even though you ran a great first 20 miles. Far, far better to negative split (or come close to even splitting). Rein yourself back and save a little something (but not too much). Believe me, this is MUCH easier said than done.

I KNOW that I can do 7:50s to 8s for the first 20. I'm certain of that. What I don't know is how I'll finish if I do. So the plan is to do 8:15s and see how it goes. I think, I'll finish stronger (run a better race) like this. We'll see on 5/28.

If Your Family Tree Doesn't Fork...

Or if you've got 8 cars in the yard that don't move but your house does, you might find this of interest:
Earnhardt races to first victory of the year in Richmond
By JENNA FRYER, AP Motorsports Writer

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) -- Kevin Harvick was the driver to beat, even Dale Earnhardt Jr. knew that.

But when Harvick made his only mistake of the entire weekend, Earnhardt pounced. It put him back into Victory Lane for the first time this season, and proved that his team has truly turned around after struggling through all of last year.

If you're like me, though, you couldn't give a flying fuck. (And while we're at it, fuck Barbaro too.)

Did 22 miles of the Long Island Marathon today. It was a glorious day for a run: 65 degrees and sunny. I ran the 22 as a trainer for the upcoming Buffalo Marathon (5/28), and I walked off the course. I ran it in 2:57.55 which is an 8:05 pace. I ran consistently at pace with only a few miles slower (when I made pee pee 2x) and a number that were quicker. Felt good, and I'm ready for Buffalo.

Life is Life

Life is life
Life is life
Life
Life is life
Life is life
Life is life
Life is life
Life
Life is life
Life is life
Life is life
Life is life
Life
Life is life
Life is life

That Damn Dame

SYDNEY, Australia - Internationally renowned comic character Dame Edna Everage's alter ego, Australian actor Barry Humphries, punched a photographer who pursued him outside a Sydney restaurant Wednesday, his publicist said.

The 72-year-old — who has found enduring fame in the United States, Britain and Australia on stage and screen through the purple-haired housewife character he has been playing since the 1950s — struck celebrity freelance photographer Malcolm Ladd, 54, publicist Suzie Howie said.

I really hope this Ladd fucker isn't making a deal about this. Imagine what a homo he'll look like if he sues after getting slapped ("get back, bitch") by a 72 year old cross-dresser.

Did a fast 5 today (7:30ish pace). The miles taper down to the 22 on Sunday. I'm bristling with energy and trying to hold myself back so I don't blow the wad early. Good luck!

Great Moments in Home Surgery

On the advice of Moveitfred's 8 year old son, I decided to take that dead toe nail off. So with the aid of a pair of scissors, a toenail clipper, and a pair of pliers, I went to work. I sought the advice of Mrs. A.B.H. first, of course. (Her advice: "keep that fucking thing away from me!") Then I went to work. I clipped off what I could, then I cut down the middle of the nail. Next, I went to pull out each half from where it attached to the cuticle. A loud stream of profanity, a geyser of blood, a few moments of unconsciousness, and a lot of pain later I was done.

It is nothing that a few months and a lot of gauze can't heal.

Today I breezed through a nice 6. (Gauzed and duct taped, of course.) This sunday is the L.I. Marathon. Al. K. and I are going to do 22 and walk off. Goal pace is 8:20 per mile.

1/2 a Fanook

My run on Sunday was a misery. Feets were killing me after the pounding Saturday in the Queens 1/2. And speaking of Queens, the Sopranos were a blast Sunday night. Seeing that fanook Vito "tooling" around in Queerville with his new man and his new hog was just too much. (My advice, stay away from the johnny-cakes.)

Today I've got a 6. Feets, don't fail me.