The Unkindest Cut of All

From About.Com

What is a Circumcision?
Circumcision is the surgical removal of the prepuce of the foreskin that covers the tip of the penis.
Function of the Prepuce
The prepuce is a normal part of the external genitalia. It protects the glans from chafing and abrasion during intercourse and from general wear and tear. It protects the glans from irritation in infancy when the baby is incontinent. It provides lubrication. It also contains erogenous tissue, in other words it contributes to sexual arousal. {Emphasis mine.}
Reasons for Circumcision
Medical reasons for male circumcision are conflicting. Historically it was done to help stop masturbation. Medical opinion varies considerably on the issue of when and whether circumcision should be carried out. Male circumcision has often been carried out for reasons of hygiene. It is known that men who have had a circumcision seem to contract urinary tract infections less, that it may offer a little bit of a defence against sexually transmitted diseases and HIV (although the data is unclear and open to interpretation).



Ok, I've got to go on record here. Yesterday, I attended a bris (a Jewish circumcision ritual). This same ceremony and circumcision was performed for my son 2 years ago. I had the same 37 years ago. This revolts me. What we do to our sons is barbaric, and I'm against it. The trauma a baby suffers during this surgery (without local anesthesia) is horrific. I must believe that it psychologically impacts our kids.

And I've heard all the arguments about hygiene. I think they are bullshit. If you can open your mouth and brush and floss or spread your ass cheeks and scrub your crack, why can't you pull back a foreskin and clean your junk?

My students love to write about tribal rituals where women are circumcised. They (my students) are horrified that a culture could be so frightened by sexuality that it would resort to something so barbaric. Is what we do any different? (And, by the way, the motivation is the same.)

But here's the rub: you can't easily choose not to circumcise your child. He'll pull that hooded cobra out at the pool or in the gym locker room at school and suffer terrible ridicule for being so different.

It's ugly.

Oh, Really?

HealthDay Reporter Thu Mar 30, 5:08 PM ET
THURSDAY, March 30 (HealthDay News) -- New research reveals that walking requires more thought than you might think, and cognitive decline -- at least in the elderly -- can make the travel that much harder.

The findings suggest that doctors should be aware of the cognition-walking link and keep an eye out for patients who can't think clearly, said study co-author Roee Holtzer, an assistant professor of psychology and neurology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York.

"We need to be cognizant of the fact that they may walk less efficiently and may be at higher risk for falls," he said.

Walking is, of course, a routine part of everyday life.



They probably got millions of dollars in grant money and funding to come up with these pearls. Thanks guys!


Yesterday, I did a nice 5 in Central Park (had to be in NYC earlier in the day). Today I did a 6 down in Long Beach on the boardwalk. It was so windy I was getting sandblasted. My body is still feeling pretty well beaten up. I'm just taking it nice and easy the rest of the week. Just doing to do 9s on these miles and not pushing anything.

Gone Fishin'

From Newshounds.US
Moussaoui Trial Shows How Screwed Up FBI Is
Reported by Judy - March 21, 2006
The trial of "20th-hijacker" Zacarias Moussaoui has not received nearly the amount of press coverage it deserves, based on the information it is providing about how George Bush's administration screwed up before 9/11.

The "Dayside" duo of Juliet Huddy and Mike Jerrick on Tuesday (March 21, 2006) interviewed Fox News legal analyst Judge Andrew Napolitano about the testimony of an FBI agent that his superiors would not let him get a search warrant to look into Moussaoui's laptop computer after he was arrested in August 2001. {His laptop is now said to have contained information about jetliners, crop dusters and wind currents}

August 2001, you may recall, is the same month when George Bush received that Presidential Daily Brief titled, "Al Qaeda Determined to Strike in U.S." That same PDB that Bush ignored because he was on vacation at his ranch in Texas.

The FBI agent also testified that he asked his superiors 70 times for permission to get a search warrant, and said their refusal was "criminal."

Do you suppose if Bush had reacted to that PDB and sent a memo to all his department heads asking them to be extra alert for Middle Eastern terrorists, the fools in the FBI might have connected the dots, that they might have looked in the laptop, which they had in their possession?

During the hearings of the 9/11 commission, the intelligence community complained a lot about the so-called "wall" between domestic and foreign intelligence gathering that they blamed for hindering the tracking of terrorists. And after 9/11 Bush says he had to set up a special program to spy on Americans without warrants because it was too cumbersome to get warrants, using the secret court set up for just that purpose, even allowing retroactive warrants.

But here is proof that the FBI was too lazy or stupid to use the police powers they already had.

The Fox News personnel did their best to defend the government's inaction. "I don't think any FBI agent would willingly allow the country to be unprotected, but by incompetence they did," admitted Napolitano.

Added Jerrick, "Nobody had ever taken an airplane and flown it into a building. It was unthinkable." Of course, it had been thought of before.




Too bad some Republican in Congress can't stir himself or herself to demand an investigation into why the FBI didn't protect Americans any better. They're too busy figuring out how to grant this bunch of Keystone Kops even more police powers that they won't use, so that the next time there's a catastrophe, the FBI will have to be given even more tools that take away Americans' liberties.

And besides, they'd rather just blame Clinton.





Al K. and I did our long run of the week today. I was really bonking but pulled through. It was a 13--really middle distance by now--but I'm spent from the 20 Sunday and this infection. We did the 13 today at 9 minute pace. And it was beautiful out, so I was able to pull through. But I really wanted to just lay on the grass.


Post Script
The pasty Dude from Seattle (see sidebar) had a funny anecdote about his son on his blog. It inspired me to share this one:


How I Got Myself In Trouble With The Mrs. This Evening
My son, who turns two the end of April, likes everything his older sister likes. Lately, it's her chocolate milk he wants. But when he asks for it, it sounds just like "fucking milk." We've video taped it. It's uncanny, "fucking milk." Tonight, we were having dinner and the little man observed his sister's beverage and started in, "I want fucking milk. Fucking milk. Fucking milk." Now here's the part where I get in trouble: as the Mrs. went into the kitchen to get his milk I added, "and I'll take a fucking beer."

What A Surprise!

Georgia Passes Bill to Fund Bible Courses in Public High Schools
By Richard Fausset, Times Staff Writer
March 28, 2006
ATLANTA — Georgia's Legislature on Monday passed a bill to fund elective Bible courses in public high schools, sparking concern among 1st Amendment advocates and generating praise from lawmakers worried that children are losing their grasp on one of Western civilization's most influential texts.

These courses will be taught in conjunction with the very popular GSL (Georgia Sign Language) Course.

You Can't Make This Shit Up

Elvis' Graceland joins White House on list of national landmarks
MEMPHIS (AP) — The home of the King of Rock 'n' Roll joined the homes of presidents past and present in becoming a National Historic Landmark Monday.
Graceland, where Elvis Presley died in 1977, joins the White House, Mount Vernon and Monticello in receiving the country's highest designation for historic properties.



The Bush Admin., getting the job done!












In other news:



Ex-Liberian President Taylor Disappears, Associated Press
ABUJA, Nigeria - Former Liberian President Charles Taylor disappeared from his Nigerian haven, days after his hosts agreed to transfer him to a war crimes tribunal for the murder, rape and maiming of more than a half-million Africans, officials said Tuesday.


No one should be surprised by this. This motherfucker escaped from a Boston prison in 1985 by cutting through the bars with a hacksaw and climbing out on a knotted sheet! Yes, you heard me right. And, no, I don't know if that hacksaw was smuggled in in a cake.


Now here's a little somethin'-somethin' from our man, The Hammer: (He be releasin' one verse a week from his new shit, dogs, and this is hot off the blog presses)



"Get 2 No U"
by MC Hammer
featuring JD Greer and Pleasure Ellis

I don't need a dime/ I need a woman that's mine
baby doin' hers/ I'm handling mine
nothin' on the side/ she keep me occupied
she know what to do/ to keep her man satisfied
she be rubbin' my back/ when I'm on my back
she know what to say/ she got love like that
she got it like that/ doin' what she do
if this is true/ then I need to know U



Got a six done at 8:15s. Felt good on a nice run in this warmish weather.

Whacked Out

Ok, the Sopranos are moving on. Good episode. I loved Paulie and his "walnuts." And that dream sequence shit is done. What a relief. Althought the last moment of it (where Tony / Kevin is contemplating going into the big house and the voices of his children are behind him) was very powerful. But the rest of it seemed to be flat, a real break in the narrative that went nowhere. (Fuck Kevin Finnerty.) As we came out of it, my only complaint was the rapidity with which he went from coma to cardiac arrest to awake.



On another note, have you been getting a good look at Little Steven, "Sylvio"? Holy shit! He's put on at least 50 pounds over the last couple years. He's gonna have to change his name to Big Fat Fucking Steven. He looked like Shamu getting out of that whirpool tub last night. Robert "AJ" Iler has gone the other direction. He looks a lot better, even with the stupid hair and the rap sheet.




I am off today. Thankfully. My heel is hurting again, and I'm pretty beat up all over.

Beautiful Feet

Beautiful Feet
by Kathy Gowler www.briomag.com
Your feet are beautiful, or at least they can be. Treat your tootsies to some much-deserved attention. They’ll feel and look better, and so will you!

Here’s How
Start by soaking those tired babies in warm, sudsy water with bath salts. Invest in a great-smelling foot scrub that’ll cleanse, exfoliate and pamper your feet. After they’ve been lavished in lather for a few luxurious moments, use a pumice stone to buff off calluses on the inside edges of your feet and heels. Getting rid of that outer layer of dry skin will reveal a soft, smooth layer that hasn’t been exposed to barefooted walks on hot sidewalks and sandy beaches.

Next, pamper your feet with a massage using a good foot cream or lotion. Don’t forget to get in between those toes! Rub your dry cuticle areas with extra-loving care, too. They’ll be screaming, “Thank you, thank you, and thank you!”

Using a cuticle file, gently push your cuticles back to give them a professionally pedicured look. While you’re at it, carefully clean underneath the nails, and give them a trim—but not too short! Invest in a good, sharp toenail clipper to do the job right. Use an emery board or file to smooth the rough edges.




To finish the job on your beautiful feet, apply fun, colorful polish, or for a more sophisticated French pedicure, paint a stripe of white polish across the top of the nail. Use Q-tips dipped in nail polish remover to straighten the line and wipe off the excess polish. After it’s dry, apply a clear or a sheer coat of polish. Add a second topcoat, and your polish will stay on for weeks!

Now, go slip into your favorite pair of flip-flops, and show off those beautiful feet!


Today was a good day. I was really worried that it would be "crappy." (I was up numerous times during the night with the firehose squirts. Thank you amoxycillin.) Al K. and I did a 7.5 mile run as a warm up at about 9:30s...nice, easy stretch out. Then we ran the LIRRC 20k (so that we'd have 20 miles for the day). I ran the 20k in 1:42 and change (8:16 pace). My mile splits are a bit off because the course was not marked well for the miles. I know I ran pretty consistently at 8:20s and then kicked it up a bit at the end. I'm a bit wiped now, but I feel good.


Sopranos tonight! I'm tired of the fucking dream sequences. Either let Tony die, and let's get to the power struggle. Or let him come out of the fucking coma and start whacking some mutts who desperately need killing.

Idol Hands...

AP News
Idol Fans Say Daughtry Copied Song
Friday March 24 3:06 PM ET

"American Idol" chat rooms were buzzing Friday over a controversy surrounding Chris Daughtry's version of "I Walk the Line."

Judges praised Daughtry for making the song his own when he performed the Johnny Cash tune on the Fox network show.
But some fans say the version wasn't Daughtry's, but ripped off from one done by the band Live in 2001.
One fan posted a message saying, "I just want to punch him in his bald head." Another reads: "This guy is a rip-off. Judges are plain dumb." And a third message says, "Live singer Ed Kowalczyk called and said that he would like his vocal style" back.




I think the AP has missed the most salient aspect of this controversy: NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!! The fact that there is an "American Idol Chat Room" scares me. And I certainly can't imagine anyone finding anything worth commenting on there. Let's get real here! Let's get the word from a man with some real talent! The Hammer, YO!:

Lady Of My Life

Today I celebrate the lady of my life.
The well that I draw my strength from.
The light of my spirit.
She is every color of joy.
She's the melody of my soul.
Never a wavering moment.
The calm in the middle of the storm.
She's the architect of integrity.
How many ways do I love thee.
There are not enough words in human language,
I love you more ways, than the grains of sand on all the beaches of the planets in the universe. You held me in your arms, fed me with dignity, never did I know the pain or shame of hunger. You walked and guided me through the roads, valleys and mountains of life. I know that God is missing an Angel, because he gave me you as my Mother. My soul dances because of you Mom. Forever will I dance. I have watched in awe, the beauty and grace of your dance of life. Happy Birthday Mother.
Love,
Your Dance Partner and Son
Stanley



MC Hammer, keeping it real with the moms! Here's an artist. Look at the way he can ask the question "How many ways do I love thee." and make it not a question. Genius! And where did he get this sentiment from. (?) So original. And how about the compression of ideas in the metaphor "I love you more ways, than the grains of sand on all the beaches of the planets..." You try loving someone more ways than all the sands...that requires some effort! But the real piece d'resistance is the "God is missing an Angel" gem. I mean, that just hits you, don't it? Deep!


Today I'm doing a 4 and lifting some weights. I still feel like shit, but I'm going to take it easy so I'll be ok for the 20m tomorrow.

Peakin' At the Beacon

Every March it happens. The Allman's park their trucks (Butch and Derek) at the Beacon and play the entire month. And every year, my brother, some friends, and I go to the shows (some years we've gone to several). I've got T-shirts dating back to early 90s shows, but I'm pretty sure we caught them even before that. Last night was my Allman's night. Usually, it's a night of rare form, with too much drink and food and lots of loud countrified, jazzified, blues. Last night I was stone cold sober and unable to really indulge at dinner either. These fucking meds are killing me! My guts are roiling from the decongestants and antibiotics. C'est la vie. It was a great show.

I took yesterday off from running. Today I am supposed to do a 6. I'm going to take it slow and see how I feel. This Sunday we've got a 20 mile run to do. 20k of that run will be a race with the LI Road Runners. I want to try and be strong for that run.

Lone Star Stupidity

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - Texas has begun sending undercover agents into bars to arrest drinkers for being drunk, a spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission said on Wednesday.

The first sting operation was conducted recently in a Dallas suburb where agents infiltrated 36 bars and arrested 30 people for public intoxication, said the commission's Carolyn Beck.





What can we expect from Texas, the place that George W. calls home? Here are a few great ideas for Texas:
Slap the cuffs on overeaters at McDonald's.
Collar crappers who foul public bathrooms.
Lock up politicians who ok wiretaps without a court order. (Whoops, scratch that one. We've made that legal now, haven't we?)

Texas, two words: GET FUCKED!

Wile E. Coyote

Associated Press
NEW YORK - He's one tourist city officials hope WON'T be coming back.

A wily coyote paid a visit to the big city, leading dozens of police officers on foot and in a helicopter on a loping chase through Central Park before being captured Wednesday.







Did a miserable six, slow and sloppy. I'm so full of decongestants and antibiotics that my head feels like a big cotton ball. I felt like I was running in someone else's body (a big slow fucker). BUT I got it done.

Al's Canals

I did a 6 today and moved well, and the heel is on the mend (I added some gel insoles to the kicks). So this is good.
BUT ...
I was still feeling headachy, queasy, congested in my head. So I finally went to the doctor (I know, I'm a genius, and it only took 2 weeks to prove it). He poked, prodded, peered, and x-rayed my dome. He concluded that I have "a very bad sinus infection." He gave me some scrips and sent me on my way. And, after just one dose of super antibiotics, I'm squirting like a fire hydrant in East New York in July. (I'm told that acidophilus helps with this. I haven't been on antibiotics in a long time, so I'll have to get some.) He told me not to exercise, but fuck him.

Our friend Moveitfred is off to Chicago. Enjoy!

I Feel Pretty...

What makes some men gay? It may be whether he has older brothers, say University of Toronto researchers.

Roughly one in seven gay men may owe his sexual orientation to the fact he has older brothers, found the study, published in the February 2002 issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Earlier studies have shown that each additional older brother increases the odds of homosexuality in a younger brother.

The latest study strengthens the theory of the "fraternal birth order effect," said James Cantor, the study's co-author. The study's purpose was to determine the proportion of gay men whose sexual orientation is due to this effect.

This does not bode well for GVB aka "Teeth" (Just left of center)



And Moveitfred's orientation is definitely suspect (far right)

Rejoice We Are Victorious

Two runners die during Los Angeles Marathon

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Two men, both veteran law enforcement officers, suffered fatal heart attacks while running in Sunday's Los Angeles Marathon, marking the first deaths in the event since 1990, organizers said on Monday.

Los Angeles police detective Raul Reyna, 53, and retired Los Angeles County sheriff's deputy James Leone, 60, are believed to be the second and third contestants in the 21-year history of the L.A. Marathon to die during the 26.2-mile (40-km) race.

Marathon officials said the only other runner known to have died in the race was 59-year-old William McKinney, who suffered a heart attack 21 miles into the competition in 1990.


These poor souls follow in auspicious footsteps: "Some historians believe the marathon is named after the 490 B.C. Battle of Marathon when Pheidippides ran 150 miles to Sparta in two days to bring news of a Greek victory over the Persians. He reported:
 "Rejoice, we are victorious" and fell dead."

A "Cock" and "Bull" story...

Lone Star Times
A 33 year old man cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, he hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

Ok, I get the knife bit: "back you bastards!" But hacking off your junk and using it as a boomerang?!!! Takes the cake, folks.

V is for...Venezuala, BABY!

Associated Press
CARACAS, Venezuela - More than 1,500 Venezuelans shed their clothes on a main city avenue Sunday to pose for American photographer Spencer Tunick, forming a human mosaic in front of a national symbol: a statue of independence hero Simon Bolivar.

As Tunick shouted commands through a megaphone, nude people of every shape, size and skin tone gathered on the avenue and stairs in front of the statue just before dawn.

"There are some people over there with clothes, get them out of there!" said Tunick, an artist from Brooklyn, N.Y., who has been documenting groups of nude people in public places around the world since 1992.



This dude has some serious MOJO working. I had trouble just getting one person to shed her clothes (before marriage, of course, honey). Today is an off day. YEAH, BABY!

Good Night and Get Fucked (2)

Jackson's California Playland Goes Dark
Here lies Neverland. Trains once packed with laughing children no longer roll around the grounds. The arcade that pulsed with rap music, the curse words edited out, has fallen silent. No one waits at the gate with ice cream for youngsters to arrive.

After years of rumors about its demise, the fantasy playland Michael Jackson created as a celebration of childhood and a retreat from his troubles is going dark.



The pop star, now living half a world away, dismissed many of the remaining employees Thursday after agreeing to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in back wages to avoid a lawsuit by state labor officials. His spokeswoman characterized the moves as those of someone who will be away for an extended period, not someone abandoning a home for good.



Jackson once opened Neverland for everything from an Elizabeth Taylor wedding and celebrity fundraisers to field trips for busloads of children. That was before his trial on charges he plied a young cancer patient with booze and molested him in 2003 in the master bedroom. Following his acquittal last year, Jackson moved to the Middle Eastern kingdom of Bahrain.



He left behind troubled finances, a tattered reputation and Neverland.

AP

Just a 4 to do today. I'm taking it easy, trying to fully recuperate from this cold, so I can be 100% next week (next week features 45 miles and a 20 as a long run).

Over and out.

Weird Al

Al the Ass: The plan was to run the Brooklyn 1/2 with one car at the start and one car at the finish. Since those two points are 13 miles apart, this was a good plan. My car was at the finish, my running partner's car (Al Keholic) was at the start. All was smooth until I realized (as we approached mile one) that I had left the keys to my car in the trunk of his car. To remedy this, we had to jump off course and run an extra mile (to the car and back). Needless to say, this added a bit of time to the race. Ran hard to make up for it though: Mile 1=7:50, 2=8:21, 3 and 4 were really 3 miles done in 24:32, 5=8:08, 6= 8:22,7=8:24, 8=8:17, 9=8:18, 10=8:19, 11=8:12, 12= 7:27, 13=7:37. The goal was 8:20s. did that and cooked at the end. Must be happy with it (despite being a fucking moron and turning it into a 14+).

African Herbsman

A former member of Bob Marley's band, The Wailers, has taken his fight for a slice of the reggae great's royalties to a British courtroom.

Aston Barrett, who was Marley's bassist for almost a decade, is suing Universal-Island Records Ltd. for $105 million. His lawsuit was also brought on behalf of his deceased brother, Carlton, who played drums in the band.

Barrett claims he is owed royalties from a 1974 contract with Island as well as earnings from songs he co-wrote with Marley, who died of cancer in 1981.

His lawyer, Stephen Bate, argued Thursday at London's High Court that Aston and his brother were "largely responsible" for providing Marley with a unique sound that brought Jamaican reggae music to an international audience.

The record company tried to have the case thrown out because Barrett had already accepted a settlement.
Marley's widow, Rita, sat at the back of the court. She may testify during the hearing, which is expected to last up to three weeks.



Lively Up Yourself

Lively up yourself and don't be no drag
Lively up yourself, 'cause this is the other bag
Hey, lively up yourself and don't be no drag
You lively up yourself, dig it, the other bag

Hey, you rock so, you rock so, like you never did before
You dip so, you dip so, and you can dip thru my door
You come so, you come so, oh yeah, like I do adore you
You skank so, you skank so, and-a I can assure you

You can lively up yourself and don't be no drag
Hey, you lively up yourself, can you dig it?

Hey (you rock so, you rock so), like you never did before
You dip so, you dip so, can you dig it?

You lively up yourself and don't be no drag
You lively up yourself, 'cause this is the other bag
Hey, lively up yourself

Lively up yourself, other bag
Can you dig it? Can you dig it? ...

Al, in his own juices

Whoa boy, I am in a sorry state. I am still fighting the martian death plague. It is this lingering shit (I've been sort of sick for 2 weeks). It won't go full bore and just get finished. Added to that, I'm having a problem with my heel still. The fucker hurts like the padding is bruised (I've experienced this in the past after particularly hard weeks or long runs). But the achilles feels real tight too. I don't know what is going on there. The only thing that seems positive is that it seems to improve after I start running, so I'm not worrying too much yet.



I've also started to have some weirdness happen to me if I jack myself up on caffeine before a run. (This used to be my pre run ritual: triple shot of espresso or a large coffee.) Now I get lightheaded and really shaky after a few miles. Yesterday, I had to sit down and shake for a few minutes. Then I got up and was just fine. Weird. I guess I just can't handle the go juice anymore.




Brooklyn 1/2 tomorrow. I'm running despite the heel pain, plague, shakes etc. I'll let you know how it goes.

Letter to Leno

Jay Leno Apologizes to Offended Viewer
Wednesday March 15 11:26 AM ET
Jay Leno knows that comedy means sometimes having to say you're sorry. After Leno's "Tonight Show" aired a sketch that compared Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting accident to a 2003 videotaped shooting outside a Los Angeles courthouse, he received a letter of complaint from a viewer.
Wendy Brogin, a friend of shooting victim Gerald Curry, wrote to Leno condemning the recent sketch as offensive and asking him to "do the right thing relative to this matter."
Within days, Leno responded with a phone call that greatly impressed Brogin, the Daily News of Los Angeles reported Tuesday.

"He said, `Hello, Wendy, this is Jay Leno'," she said. "`I'm calling about the letter you wrote and I want to apologize. I just want to let you know we make mistakes sometimes and we don't mean to hurt people.'"

Dear Jay:
You spineless worm. You have the edge of a ladle-full of tapioca, and the guts of a jellyfish. It’s comedy. There was a time—a long, long time ago—when you did comedy. Remember that? If it’s worth its salt, it’s going to offend someone. You can spend your off hours pleasing the network and your increasingly PC public making your namby-pamby phonecalls. Or you can grow a set and start doing comedy again.

Signed,

Al--ever-so-offensive--Bangorhard



The schedule called for another 6 today, but I was still pretty wiped out (sore throat, congested, weak). I did a 5 and called it good. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I may take the day off since Saturday is the Brooklyn 1/2.

Wipeout

Today was a wipeout. I was supposed to do a 6, but I felt like shit. As the day wore on, I wore out. Cold symptoms and zero energy. With the 1/2 coming up Saturday, I decided to rest. Hopefully, I won't feel this beat up tomorrow.

Driving Me To Drink

Ok, so it is more of a putt than a drive....Anyway, in my role as professor, I'm often called upon to be a purveyor of wisdom, to share life lessons and help to shape the minds of our youth. It is in this spirit that I impart this morsel of sagacity, this tidbit of talent, this plum of percipience:
I worry about my students, the young people in our society. St. Patrick's day is upcoming, and I am keenly aware that it has lost its original meaning and become a drinking holiday. I fear they will drink and drive. What's worse? I fear, they'll do it badly. Young people: if you are going to drink, be smart. If you must drive, do so in the smartest way possible. It's all about reducing exposure time. I suggest you double or (if possible) triple the speed limit. In so doing, you will--at the least--cut in half your time "on the street." The possibility of an accident will be much more remote since you'll be driving for a much shortened period of time. And, more importantly, the chance of being pulled over "under the influence" will be much reduced as you'll be off the street so much more quickly.

Be smart out there.

Is Sharon stoned?

Although we got a good look at her in Basic Instinct, Sharon Stone is promoting middle-aged sexiness with the sequel.
After seeing a bit much of Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, who would have thought we could see more. But according to a WENN/IMDB report, Stone proudly and more overtly bares all she's got in the upcoming Basic Instinct 2.





Did a six to start this week. I'm having a problem with heel pain in my right foot; however, I'm ok. 42 miles this week and the Brooklyn 1/2 this Saturday. I want to do it in 8:20s...we'll see.

This Shit Never Happens To Me

Woman gets beer from her kitchen faucet
OSLO (AP) — It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned into beer.
Two flights down, employees and customers at the Big Tower Bar were horrified when water poured out of the beer taps.

By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the bar in Kristiandsund, western Norway, had accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen's apartment.

"We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."

Barry Bonds: Slugger, Victim of Media Smear, All-Around Great Guy ( HA!)

For those of you who believe it is possible to naturally put on 40 pounds of lean muscle as you near 40 years of age, for those of you who believe that your head can grow 4 hat sizes naturally, for those who believe a jump of 24 homeruns over your career best 49 late in your career is feasible without performance enhancing drugs, I say READ ON you dumb shits:


According to an upcoming book written by two San Francisco Chronicle reporters, Bonds used a vast array of performance-enhancing drugs -- including steroids and human growth hormone -- for at least five seasons beginning in 1998.

73 home runs

When Bonds entered the league in 1986, he was a wiry phenom listed at 6-foot-1, 185 pounds.



In the 2001 season, he was 6-2 and pushing 230 -- a linebacker in a baseball uniform.



Bonds hit a career-high 49 home runs during the 2000 season, but within days of the last game, he set his sights on 2001.

On Oct. 5, 2001, Bonds broke the season home run record set just three years earlier by Mark McGwire. Speaking that night at Pac Bell Park, the Giants slugger thanked several people, including Anderson *. Bonds finished the season with 73 home runs.

*Greg Anderson: Personal trainer who worked with Barry Bonds. Like Victor Conte, Anderson pleaded guilty to steroid distribution and money laundering in exchange for a six-month prison sentence. On Oct. 18, 2005, Anderson was sentenced to three months behind bars and three months in home confinement.

Gary Sheffield: Told Sports Illustrated that he used a cream in 2002 without realizing it contained a steroid. Major League Baseball said it would not punish Sheffield for the admission. He said he was introduced to BALCO by Barry Bonds, from whom he has since severed ties.

Jason Giambi: According to alleged grand jury testimony published in the San Francisco Chronicle, admitted using human growth hormone and steroids obtained from Greg Anderson. Yankees outfielder played in only 80 games in 2004 with a tumor reported to be in his pituitary gland. One of the drugs Giambi was asked about can exacerbate pituitary tumors.

Jeremy Giambi: Also according to the Chronicle report, admitted using human growth hormone and steroids, also supplied by Anderson. The former major league outfielder spent 2004 in the minor leagues.


Now Barry, just because I think you're a cheating, low-life, scumbag, just because I'd rather see Osama Bin Laden knock the Babe and Hank Aaron from the record books, just because a shark wouldn't eat you if you fell from a boat out of professional courtesy, DON'T DESPAIR!. The Hammer got ya back!! Here's the latest from MC Hammer's Blog :

Dear Barry,
Under no circumstances are you allowed to quit, exit , leave, retire, walkout or any other form of saying bye that would equate to you aborting the mission. This is not your mission alone. This is baseball's, and millions of baseball fans mission. For all of us who played the game and the love the game, to see you walkout while in earshot of the all time most prestigious record in the game of baseball would be a slap in our collective faces. Don't let the bloodhounds shake you. You have to realize and understand that sensationalism sells. This new book timed for your historical season is strictly business and nothing personal.

Bloodhounds smell and sniff out blood. Every story written about steroids means nothing to us in the know. While we don't endorse, support or condone the usage of steroids in any shape or form, we also are keenly aware of the hand eye coordination and science of hitting that is necessary to hit on the level of excellence that you do Barry. Nobody does it better. No one has done it better. As you close in on the record, and the day of reckoning is at hand, there will be many attemps by the bloodhounds to shake you and force you to quit. Old girlfriends, used car dealers, former barbers, and even fix and repair men. You name them, the stories are coming. Each one meant to somehow discredit your skills and accomplishments even though they have nothing to do with the game. They want to discourage, pressure you and stress you out, literally. Barry don't let them fool you. You are loved by many. I love you. You have brought me so much joy in your mastery of the game of baseball. Don't let the bloodhounds win. Finish the mission. Do it for San Francisco, do it for baseball, do it for your kid's, do it for your Dad (R.I.P.), and do it for yourself.

Barry,
you deserve to be the all time greatest homerun hitter in baseball history. The hounds, they deserve the dog pound.



BARRY, THE HAMMER LOVES YOU. EVERYONE ELSE THINKS YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. QUIT NOW, BEFORE YOU DISGRACE BASEBALL ANY FURTHER.

MLB: THE FACT THAT YOU CAN BAN A PLAYER LIKE CHARLIE HUSTLE BUT STILL ALLOW A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE BONDS ON THE FIELD TO THREATEN ONE OF THE THE MOST IMPORTANT BASEBALL RECORDS IS ( in two words) FUCKING RIDICULOUS!